4 Ways to Help Grieving People

It is important to remember that grief has value.  When someone grieves over losing a loved one, it means that person was valuable to them.  I’ve heard it said, “the deeper the love, the deeper the grief.”  In other words, when a person has loved deeply, they will also grieve deeply.

When there is a loss and the emptiness hurts, it is undeniable that this one that is missed had an impact.  In a quiet and private way, sadness actually honors the loved one and their life that was so well lived.

 Although there is this silver lining, it remains that the journey of grieve is arduous.  We who are “helpers” have it within us to desire to support and encourage others who are walking “through the valley.”  God always moves toward us, and as his servants, we must do the same.  We need to move toward others, even when it’s hard.  Grace should draw us toward each other to minister even when it seems that we are not wanted and that we have no words that we could possibly offer.  After all, who wants to run the risk of saying something stupid at such a difficult time as this?  But if we follow God’s way of pursuing, we find ourselves right there, in front of the suffering person.   Now what?  Well , first remember that if God gave you the grace to move toward that person, he will also give you a few precious words for them to receive.

When you are called to minister to someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one, here are 4 ways to help: 

1 Move Toward         Our society is not good at encouraging or even allowing people to grieve.  Those who have suffered loss are encouraged to stay busy and get back to work, rather than taking the time to “walk through the valley.”  As Christians, it seems that we have undo pressure on us not to grieve, but to celebrate that our loved one is in a better place.  Although this may be theologically true, it does not negate the fact that we have suffered a great loss that needs to be mourned.  Those who desire to “help,” should invite grieving people to tell their story and share their loss so that we can help them carry the weight of their burden.   

2 Just “Be”      Don’t feel the need to apply a scriptural band-aid to the “gushing wound.”  Well-meaning attempts to offer biblical counsel at a time like this can often times be received as trite and not helpful.  Grieving people just need us to “be” with them.  Gently offering to pray for them or asking if there is a particular scripture that they would like for you to read to them might be better received. 

 3  Give Grace   Those who have experienced significant loss will all grieve differently.  We need to give grace and allow each one to walk the path of their own grief journey.  The timeline and course of their journey may not look like we think it should look, but it’s not ours to define!  For some, the journey may take longer and go deeper than for others.  As helpers, we need to remember that grief is a difficult but very significant teacher.  Allow your loved one to grow and learn through the experience of losing; in their time, not yours.

 4 Walk Beside     As important as it is to give grieving people adequate time and space to grieve, it is equally important to not enable our loved ones to “get stuck’ in their grief.  Getting stuck in grief occurs when we get comfortable in the patterns of grief, without dealing with the pain and moving toward health and healing.  Walking beside and encouraging our grieving loved ones to lean into the “work of grief” (when they are ready) is a loving way for us to help.